Overstimulated and Under-Appreciated

I think loneliness is something that afflicts all of us, at some time or another, and it's especially acute in winter, around the holidays. It's that cheesy time of year when we're supposed to stuff our faces full of food and acknowledge how grateful we are for family and friends, which can be harder than it sounds. Thanksgiving was yesterday, and I kept reading articles that talked about the 'loneliness' of the holidays and how helplines are more busy.

I cannot claim that I understand human psychology at an intense level, but I know a thing or two about my own experience, and at a time of year when the weather is bleaker and there are high expectations of 'togetherness' and family, being lonely can feel like a curse.

There is also the strange factor of social media, which connects us to all of our friends, coworkers, acquaintances, and random strangers we met once at a party and added on our smartphones, surrounding us with methods of communication. As I sit here on my computer, however, with Skype open, my phone sitting silently, a Facebook tab on my browser, and somewhat quiet Tumblr and Twitter accounts, I don't feel any more likely to have a meaningful conversation. In fact, it seems that the only thing my internet presence has accomplished is to make me feel less able to truly connect with someone, and more alone when no one messages me over any forum.

Plus I'm blogging, which can seem kind of like a plea for attention from anonymous and friendly readers, when looked at very basely.

I don't mean to dis social media, or the internet, because you can obviously create really interesting and close friendships online, as well as rediscover old friends with whom you'd lost touch, but it's a weird tool when it comes to the feeling of being alone.

It's somewhat like being in a huge city, I guess. I read an article on BBC news that suggests while a majority of Londoners have someone to call and connect with, 27% feel alone or lonely, and I think it's because being surrounded by people who have no idea who you are can feel very isolating. It's similar with social media, except we are supposed to be surrounded by people who know who you are and care about what you think and feel, but the pace of information and lack of tone available in 140 characters or less acts as a kind of barrier from truly realising how someone feels.

There is also stigma associated with posting 'vaguebook' statuses that imply that you are either lonely or upset about something, but the reason why people write those sorts of things online is because they probably don't want to have to inform their friends that they are upset, but want them to notice and care. It's kind of a negative feedback loop. It can be very, very difficult to ask people individually to care about your specific problems, and there's a dangerous myth floating around that friends have a mysterious sixth sense and can always tell when you're upset. When they don't, people get more upset because it makes them feel like their friends don't notice, but they forget that social media is not the same thing as calling or asking someone in person if they will listen to you talk at them for a bit.

I don't think we should punish the people who want attention, because if we didn't all want attention, social media would not exist. Instead, we should remind them, and remind ourselves, that there is no replacement for spending time with people face-to-face, and no, video-chatting doesn't count.

This loneliness can also be a symptom of depression, isolation, or neglect, and thus stigmatising an attempt at connection could potentially be harmful. Perhaps this time of year, when many face the challenge of either being alone or separated from their families, for whatever reason, be it physical or emotional distance (and constantly reminded by the media how close and happy they should be) is the time of year to ask your friends how they're feeling, and not take 'fine' for an answer.

Reach out. It's rewarding! You can make new friends, rekindle old friendships, and maybe, just maybe, feel a little less grumpy about the fact that the notification globe's red flag is always for those group notifications you forgot to unsubscribe from.

And to all of my friends who read this, know that I will always listen, chat, doodle, write letters, make jokes, and catch up, regardless of how long it's been since we last made any form of intelligible communication. All you have to do is just let me know.